Today I am feeling very inspired.
Do you remember what it was like for you as a child? Did you know who you were and were you comfortable in your own skin? What about in high school? College? Did you ever have that moment when you knew... this is me.
I suppose the answer will vary for everyone. Some people innately know exactly who they are, and some don't.
I didn't as a small child. I wanted to please others and toe the line. I didn't as a teenager, though I knew I was me and that I wasn't the same as everyone else... but I just didn't know exactly what that meant.
It was after a particularly horrible heart break in college that I finally realized who I was and that it was ok to be that person. I remember specifically standing on a hilltop by my family's home, heart still healing that I realized the person I had been when I was with my ex, wasn't really me. He didn't really even know me, who I really was, and that it was ok to be alone if it meant I could understand and love who I was.
The top of that hill was a very healing place.
When I was dating My Love I had somehow given myself permission to not be perfect. To be whomever I wanted. It hadn't started out as a serious thing and I had known him since we were pretty young, so it didn't occur to me to try to be something he wanted. All I had to be was me.
When we were married things didn't change much. I was still me and we loved each other so much and accepted who we were, the good and the bad.
It wasn't until I had my wonderful girls that I lost myself somewhere. Somehow along the road of trying to be the perfect mom, keeping my busy kids alive, only have organic foods, and hiding the ruins of what had once been a slim and toned figure - I lost what made me tick.
When I realized I had gone missing it came as a complete and utter shock. How could I have misplaced myself? I know who I am... but I didn't. Not anymore. I was My Love's wife, Punkin Pie's mom, The Bean's mom... but not me. Who the heck was I again?
On top of that came the constant striving for perfection. I may not remember who I am but I can darn well be the best version of a mom and wife possible!
But I couldn't. No one can. That perfect person doesn't exist.
And what's worse is trying to be that impossibly perfect person is harmful to yourself, and to your beautiful babies, who look at you and your choices as a model of what they are supposed to do in their lives.
There was a lot of soul searching, personality test taking, and many years where I felt lost. But eventually I found me again. I remembered that girl from so long ago. It was very nice to get reacquainted once more.
Today I listened to a podcast from my favorite podcasters... The Homeschool Sisters, who were interviewing Melissa Camara Wilkins on her book called Permission granted: Be Who You Want to Be. (Here is the link to the podcast.)
Listening to these wonderful ladies discuss the importance of not trying to be perfect just brought up all of those feelings from so long ago.
And I felt so inspired. So empowered.
I know now I don't have to be perfect. I just have to work toward being the best version of me... and it's ok that it's going to take a while.
If you're reading this. Remember... there's no box. You are enough.
Do you remember what it was like for you as a child? Did you know who you were and were you comfortable in your own skin? What about in high school? College? Did you ever have that moment when you knew... this is me.
I suppose the answer will vary for everyone. Some people innately know exactly who they are, and some don't.
I didn't as a small child. I wanted to please others and toe the line. I didn't as a teenager, though I knew I was me and that I wasn't the same as everyone else... but I just didn't know exactly what that meant.
It was after a particularly horrible heart break in college that I finally realized who I was and that it was ok to be that person. I remember specifically standing on a hilltop by my family's home, heart still healing that I realized the person I had been when I was with my ex, wasn't really me. He didn't really even know me, who I really was, and that it was ok to be alone if it meant I could understand and love who I was.
The top of that hill was a very healing place.
When I was dating My Love I had somehow given myself permission to not be perfect. To be whomever I wanted. It hadn't started out as a serious thing and I had known him since we were pretty young, so it didn't occur to me to try to be something he wanted. All I had to be was me.
When we were married things didn't change much. I was still me and we loved each other so much and accepted who we were, the good and the bad.
It wasn't until I had my wonderful girls that I lost myself somewhere. Somehow along the road of trying to be the perfect mom, keeping my busy kids alive, only have organic foods, and hiding the ruins of what had once been a slim and toned figure - I lost what made me tick.
When I realized I had gone missing it came as a complete and utter shock. How could I have misplaced myself? I know who I am... but I didn't. Not anymore. I was My Love's wife, Punkin Pie's mom, The Bean's mom... but not me. Who the heck was I again?
On top of that came the constant striving for perfection. I may not remember who I am but I can darn well be the best version of a mom and wife possible!
But I couldn't. No one can. That perfect person doesn't exist.
And what's worse is trying to be that impossibly perfect person is harmful to yourself, and to your beautiful babies, who look at you and your choices as a model of what they are supposed to do in their lives.
There was a lot of soul searching, personality test taking, and many years where I felt lost. But eventually I found me again. I remembered that girl from so long ago. It was very nice to get reacquainted once more.
Today I listened to a podcast from my favorite podcasters... The Homeschool Sisters, who were interviewing Melissa Camara Wilkins on her book called Permission granted: Be Who You Want to Be. (Here is the link to the podcast.)
Listening to these wonderful ladies discuss the importance of not trying to be perfect just brought up all of those feelings from so long ago.
And I felt so inspired. So empowered.
I know now I don't have to be perfect. I just have to work toward being the best version of me... and it's ok that it's going to take a while.
If you're reading this. Remember... there's no box. You are enough.