I had a mom friend visit recently, who was feeling overwhelmed with her complex life of mommy-hood and working part time.
In a word... It stinks.
Working part time seems to combine being a working mom & an at home mom into a highly concentrated version of both. You have to go to work and deal with everything there just like you were full time... Bonus is you get to leave earlier, Downside? You just squish everything you would accomplish in a full day into your shortened hours.
Being able to be home with the kids for a large chunk of the day is ideal... But you still have to do all the mommy things, like laundry, dishes, cooking... PLUS you have the added bonus of spending that much more time picking up messes, since the kiddos are home longer and have more time to make them.
Working part time means you expect and are expected to be able to squeeze everything you would while working full time AND being a full time mom into your every day schedule.
You are trying to to do EVERYTHING.
Which means you are well on your way to setting yourself up to fail. Every. Single. Day.
How on earth could we possibly expect to get everything done doing what amounts to two full time jobs every day, and expect to do it well? Not many answers for that one, but it's something we so often do.
Recently I've finally come to my own personal sweet spot. It's actually working. I don't expect too much of myself and I seem to accomplish what I need to.
Everyones sweet spot will be different. What works for me won't work for you... But here are some ideas to get started (from someone who is NOT a supermom).
FIRST - It's OK that it's not done
Its ok that you didn't get everything on your mental list done today. It was probably entirely too much anyway. Tomorrow, try organizing your list by what matters to you the most and start there, then work your way down. If you don't get everything done, you can reasonably say it doesn't matter.
On my busier days, I think back and ask myself did I tell my kids I love them? Did I snuggle and hug and give kisses? Does my husband know I love and appreciate him? Did we all get fed? Then throw that one in the win column and call it a day!
SECOND - Time Limits!
I've recently started walking in the mornings before the kids get up and our day officially starts. My Love reads the news and I walk around our neighborhood streets. I always get back with enough time to make lunches (mine included), help with breakfast and get Punkin Pie out the door for school (which luckily My Love drives her to). Then I give myself an hour to throw in a load of laundry, fold yesterday's load, and do the dishes - if I have time I also pickup the house a bit and vacuum. This leaves me 15 mins for a shower and 15 mins to play board games with The Bean before we need to leave for preschool. Often I can get those chores finished up early which leaves more time for The Bean.
Then... I'm done. Yep that's right, I'm finished. That's it for my chores for the day. An hour and a half of chores, including out the door and lunch insanity. It's SO do-able and I don't stress for the rest of the day.
House a mess later? Oh well, I'll see if I can squeeze it in tomorrow. I have the munchkins pickup toys before daddy gets home, and the house (and more importantly mommy) stays sane.
It's amazing how much you can accomplish in an hour and a half when you know that's all you need to do. Plus giving yourself a dedicated time every day means you're less likely to push things off, and the house stays cleaner longer!
Its OK to not slave away cleaning all day. Give yourself a chunk of time and then BE DONE.
THIRD - Toy Placement
If you happen to have an open floor plan house like me, you've probably noticed what a pain it is. The kids pull out three toys and suddenly the house looks trashed.
At our house, all toys live in the bedroom. Yes, their bedroom is generally a mess. But I'm not staring at it or stepping over it (or on it). And before bed we set the timer for them to clean up their room for 15 minutes. Whatever they get done is enough for the day.
Ive tried the basket of toys in the living room thing, you're picking up ALL-THE-TIME! You feel driven to do it because you're staring at it, and it's mentally draining and exhausting! Give yourself a break and store them in bedrooms, or toy rooms (if you're lucky enough to have one). Chances are your child's room is often a mess anyway, at least this way it's contained to just their room.
FINALLY - Prep
I give myself an hour on the weekends to review my upcoming week, plan meals and make a shopping list.
This simple chunk of prep time gives me an understanding of the week ahead and makes dinner time super simple.
I go shopping Monday morning after drop-off and then I know my pantry is stocked, what we're having for dinner every night, and what will be in everyone's lunch this week. Sounds super nit picky, but I've found that an hour of prep means virtually no scrambling during the week. And it cuts down on expenses if I'm only shopping once a week.
I also make my lunch when I make the kids lunches. While I do work from home, I find that in trying to get as much accomplished as possible in my given work hours I sometimes don't have time to make myself lunch, and I'm in a hurry and don't have the brain power for it either. To combat this problem, I throw together a lunch for me too and it's simple. I know I'm eating healthy and I don't have to worry about it when I don't have time.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST - For the work at home-ers
Its tempting to answer that email, phonecall or text message when you're a work at home mom and know that your computer is 10 feet away and it'll only take you a moment to do it.
Dont.
Decide what your work hours will be and stick to it. I work from 9-2. That's it. Emergency email come in at 2:05? Sorry, I'm off. In fact, I've starting informing my clients that I don't even check email after 2pm. When I do I feel compelled to deal with anything that comes up, taking my attention and focus away from my children and my home and on to something that I deem less important. And I know my girls suffer for it every time I do. 5 minutes inevitably turns into 15 and they're trying to get my attention in increasingly irritating ways, ending in hollering and punishments and a mean mommy.
All because I checked my email.
Its not worth it. My children are.
EXTRA - Quick-tip
The phone is an addiction. Treat it like your job and put it away when the kiddos are home. (I'm terrible!) Just take FB off your phone completely if you need to (yes, I needed to). It's just so hard to put down once you've started!
Otherwise I get absorbed in something and before I know it mean mommy has come to visit again.
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Im really working on seeing less of mean mommy, and I'm enjoying the balance I've found for myself. Who knows how long it will last, but for know it's working, and I'm SO grateful!
With luck and lots of prayers I'm hoping I'll hold on to this balance for a while!
How do you manage your part time mommy hood?